“You awake us to
delight in your praise; for you made us for yourself, and our heart is restless
until it rests in you.”
This is the picture of
my life. Though I first learned about God 10 years ago, I never fully
understood that He is my sole savior. I appreciated teaching from other
spiritual traditions and had a relatively smooth life. At some point in my
life, however, I went astray and was taken over by my sinful nature which led
me to destruction. That was a horrible experience. I saw myself going to fall
down from the edge of a precipice, but I didn’t have enough strength to rein
myself.
At a hopeless moment,
I recalled God, who has been taking care of me and sending messages to me even
when I was not listening. I recalled Jesus who set instruction in front of me without
me paying attention. Realizing what He has prepared for me, I surrender to Him
wholeheartedly, for the first time of my life.
I would not know how strong
Jesus is until I realize how weak I am. I would not turn to God until I
recognize the power of sin. Now I understand that He is the vine and I am a
branch. Apart from Him, I can do nothing, not even just putting myself together
for a righteous life.
Since I made my
decision to follow Jesus, I no longer need to fight with the sinful nature
which led me astray. Jesus has brought light into my life and has driven out
the darkness. Nevertheless, other aspects of my life are not going easy. Sometimes
it is so hard that I wonder why God assigned this to me. Deep in my heart,
however, I know that God is taking care of me by disciplining me. As “the Lord
disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” (Proverbs
3:12) In this regard, I feel very grateful for I know God still loves me. He
didn’t abandon me even when I was so disobedient, walking in darkness and
ignoring His warning and teaching.
I am the lost son. And
I am here to repent. I am here to ask for forgiveness and recognition. I am
here to put to death my old life, to become a new creation as that which was
made through Jesus Christ in the very beginning.